This post is about something deeply personal- because it’s about time I talked about something deeply personal. I was probably about nine or ten when I had my first paranormal experience, and I realized that there HAS to be more after we die. I don’t yet really know what I believe in that sense, and I think that that’s a belief that’s too deeply rooted in religion for most- which I am extremely averted to. I love spirituality, but as for organized religion, I remain very critical and non-believing.
When I was younger, my mother found it easier for her to pick me up from school and to bring me back to her office- the OB/GYN she worked at- instead of letting me walk home or having me catch a ride. I actually enjoyed it, and though I was often on my own, a lot of the nurses and doctors talked to me when they came in for a snack or a drink, and also gave great advice about a lot of things. It was here that I had my first significant paranormal experience.
The kitchen was where I spent my time, and though it wasn’t exactly a great hang out for a kid- my mother always made sure I had a snack for after school, and her desk was within eye sight of the table in the kitchen. In fact, my mother was seated her desk when I had my experience. I was raised in a strict Catholic home, and the existence of the paranormal wasn’t a very discussed subject. However, I had an interest, and I often brought books about ghosts to read when I finished my homework.
On one particular grey day, I was standing at the counter, cleaning up after my snack, when the air in the room suddenly changed. The door to the kitchen was partially ajar, and light spilled in from the hallway outside. The light in the kitchen wasn’t on, and the only other light in the room was from outside. It was a dark afternoon, one of those afternoons in New Jersey in late fall that seems equal parts foreboding and spooky- the way I liked it.
I was standing in the darkest part of the room when I felt a chill hit me. The air had changed, and I caught my breath. Suddenly, I felt this pressure on my back, between my shoulders, as if someone had placed their hand on my back. I could even feel the outline of the hand touching me. All the hairs on my body stood up, and even though I was terrified, I was frozen.
Then, suddenly, though my fear, there came this calm, this peace. It felt as if a voice was telling me not to be afraid. I came to understand that the hand on my back wasn’t intended to scare me, but instead comfort me. I felt so many feelings. They say when an entity touches you, you feel everything it feels, and it imprints those feelings and thoughts onto you. I still remember its feelings and thoughts to this day. I stayed still until I felt the pressure leave my back, and then I whipped around, astonished at what I’d just experienced.
Ever since then, I have been a skeptic believer- no matter how many EVPs or spirit boxes I hear, I just feel as if I haven’t seen that one piece of evidence that confirms what I believe. I’ve had a lot of experiences; growing up in New Jersey gives you an adventurous and thrill-seeking spirit. We have an entire website/magazine dedicated to how weird we are(www.weirdnj.com). Since I moved to NC, I have done some ghost hunting out at Fort Fisher, and I think we’ve captured some intense EVPs. Still, I feel restless. I want to go out again and capture something that blows my mind.
I don’t know if I’m a medium, or a sensitive, or whatever it’s called, but I do know what I’ve experienced: dreams of the dead, knowing things before they happen, picking up the thoughts and feelings of others around me, feeling a change in the weather before others do, reading the emotions of others around me… It comes and goes, but I can sometimes do those things.
In light of those I’ve lost in my life, my belief in the paranormal is torn. I would hope that those I’ve lost have moved on and found peace in another plane, but I also wish I could see them earthbound. There are some I wish had stuck around longer, but I wouldn’t want to be the reason for why they are still stuck here.
pumpkinsandmoons 